Unprotected Science: Chemistry

By Dr. Albert Shlankenshtein MD, PhD, DDS, BLT, STD

The Incredible, Edible Atom
Atoms are the building blocks of all matter (and hurt like hell when you step on one in the middle of the night). Scientists used to think atoms composed of protons, neutrons and electrons, but now we know them to be just really tiny hampsters in tiny hampster wheels - going and going like nobody’s business.

The Periodic Table
The periodic table is a calendar containing, on average, 28 days. It contains all the elements you need to create all the matter in the universe. The position of these elements constitutes how reactive they are. For instance, the closer you get to the “Period”, the more violent the reactions tend to be.

Molecules: The Stuff Dreams are Made Of
When an atom and another atom (or more) love each other very much, they bond and form Molecules. Sometimes molecules will split up, causing energy to be released called Alimony.

Solids, Liquids and Gases oh my!
Matter can be in a variety of states - and can easily move from one to another as long as they aren't transporting guns or alcohol. Solids are like cold butter. Liquids are like melted butter. Gases are like "dear lord, what did you do to that butter?!?"